Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
