He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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