The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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