No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
