We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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