How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The maid of honor just puked.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
