WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
tell me about the fingering
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