Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
