Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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