he wants to bone in the snuggie
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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