girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
