my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
