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I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
