New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
