My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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