What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
