I hate your face
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
