youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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