Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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