1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
