I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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