if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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