who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
