I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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