If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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