Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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