he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
