Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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