No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
