my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
