I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
