tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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