So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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