you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
