Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
