Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
