its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize