DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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