Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
