shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how does that bad decision feel?
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