So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
