I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
