found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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