You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
