Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
