Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
