There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize