I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
