I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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