You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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