I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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