Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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