Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
