I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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