If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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