I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
