2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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