I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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