i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
