I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
