am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
