how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
