Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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