i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
