U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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