It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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