Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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