Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm getting married
To pizza
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
