Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
