Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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