3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
