I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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