I will die if light touches me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
