im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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