No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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