I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
