I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
