things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
