i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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