physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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