i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
