I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
