Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
