I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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