Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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