He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pants are for mortals
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
