By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
