i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
too bad you live with your parents still
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
