Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
