Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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