I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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