his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
