I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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