"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
