How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my poor anus
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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