Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
