Where is the hickey?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
