Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
