I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize