A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
