it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I could fuck to npr.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
