how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
