Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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