Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
