i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
