no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
