dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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