I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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