google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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