I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize