my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
